Rina's entertainment notebook.

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If you take a long time, you’re slow.
But if your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.

If you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
But if your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

If you make a mistake, you’re a goober.
But if your boss makes a mistake, he’s ‘only human’.

If you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
But if your boss does it, he’s being firm.

If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude.
But if your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.

If you do something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
But if your boss does the same thing, he’s taking initiative.

If you’re on a day off sick, you’re ‘always’ sick.
But if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

If you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
But if your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

If you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
But if your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

The Old Man and The Frog

An old man loves to fish, was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.”

He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.” He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, “Are you talking to me?”

The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll then give you more pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of.”

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you pleasures like you have never had.”

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, “Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”

A typical male
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

“Oh, that,” Frank said. “Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box.” Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn’t so bad.

“But what about the 10,000 dollars?”

“Every time I got a dozen, I sold them.”

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she’ll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, “Who was that??!!”

“Oh” replies the husband, “that was my mistress.” “That’s it,” says the wife, “I want a divorce.”

“Ok,” replies her husband, “but remember, if you get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours.”

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. “Who is that woman with Jim?” she asks.

“That’s his mistress,” replies her husband. “Ours is much better looking.” says the wife.

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A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview.

He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she said ‘Kelvin’.

‘Right’, he said, ‘what about that blond one over there?

‘Kelvin’, she said.

‘Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?’

‘Kelvin’, she said.

‘Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball ‘Kelvin’, she said.

‘Are all your boys called Kelvin?’ he asked, ‘isn’t that terribly complicated?’

‘Not at all’, she said, ‘it makes everything very easy, actually.

When I shout: Kelvin, tea is ready!, they all come.

When I say: Kelvin, it’s time for bed!, they all go to bed.

‘I see’. But what if you want only one of them?

‘No problem.’ she answers.

‘Then I call them by their surnames’.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

“Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

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A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day… 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.

The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men……..

The husband then turned to his wife and asked,

“What?”

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A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.”

The wife responded, “Allow me to explain;

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper.

“Be careful,” he said to his wife.

“You will bring out the beast in me.” …

“So what?” his wife shot back.

“Who is afraid of a mouse?”

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A guy goes over to his friend’s house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

“Hi, is Tony home?”
“No, he went to the store.”
“Well, you mind if I wait?”
“No, come in.”

They sit down and the friend says, “You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I’d give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one.”

Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit there a while longer and Chris says, “They are so beautiful I’ve got to see the both of them. I’ll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together.”

Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can’t wait any longer and leaves.

A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, “You know, your weird friend Chris came over.”

Tony thinks about this for a second and says “Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?

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儿童不宜
汤姆在睡觉前总要听爸爸的故事才睡得着…..
爸爸：“在以前，有一只青蛙……”
汤姆：“爸，今天我不想听童话故事，可以讲科幻故事？”
爸爸：“好，在太空，有一只青蛙……”
汤姆：“算了，爸，为了庆祝我8岁生日，可以讲限制级的吗？”
爸爸：“好吧！可别让你妈知道。有一只没穿衣服的青蛙……”

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

舅舅到家里来做客,小文却对妈妈说:“妈妈, 我要去动物园看猴子.”
妈妈立即怒声斥道:“看什么猴子?你舅舅就在这儿,你还去什么动物园!”
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.. The doctor immediately order David to be discharged from the Mental Hospital as he is OK.

Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses,since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died.

David: Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry!

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Story No:01
Husband climbs on the bed naked.
Wife: I have a headache.
Husband: Good! I have powdered it with aspirin.
U want to take it orally or as an injection.

Story No:02
Three fastest means of communication:
1. Telephone
2. Television
3. Tell-a-woman

Story No:03
One day, DUREX complained to KOTEX: ” Every time u work, I gotta 7 days off!”
KOTEX retorted: “Whenever u make a mistake during work, I gotta take 9 months leave”.

Story No:04
A man called his 4th wife - Baby doll,
3rd wife - China doll,
2nd wife - Barbie doll &
1st wife - Guess What ?
- Panadol

Story No:05
Man admiring his naked body in the mirror says to wife: “Look at that 75 kg of pure dynamite”.
Wife replies: “It is a shame though about the 2 inches fuse”.

Story No:06
Friends are like underwear, always near you.
Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you.
Best friends are like Viagra, lift you up when you are down.

Story No:07
Man tell MP: My son’s a drug addict, my daughter’s a prostitute, and my wife’s a gambler.
MP: Isn’t there anything positive in your family?
Man: Yes, I am HIV positive.

Story No:08
What is common between a wife and a private swimming pool??
Answer: The cost of maintenance is too high
compared to the time you spend inside them!!!

Story No: 09
Naked girl boarded a taxi. Driver stared.
Girl scolded him, “Never seen a naked girl before?
Driver replied “Yes! Seen many before but wondering
where you keep your money to pay taxi fare.”

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A man joins a big corporation as a trainee. The first day at work, he dials the canteen and shouts into the phone, “Get me a coffee, quickly!”

The voice from the other end said, “You fool! You’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?”

“No,” replied the trainee.

“It’s the company CEO!”

The trainee shouts back, “And do YOU know who YOU are talking to?!” “No.” replied the CEO angrily.

“Good!” replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

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An Arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.

Your name please.

“Abdul Aziz ”

Sex?

“Six times a week!! ”

“No, no, I mean male or female! ”

“Doesn’t matters, sometimes even camel”

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

An old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read:

BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.

The engraver shortened it to “RETURNED UNOPENED”

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1. The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”

2. In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.

3. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

4. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.

5. Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

6. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

7. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

8. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

9. Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.”

10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look beautiful.

Chief is at a wedding
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say,”

“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

A Driving School Test
The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school.

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too drunk to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave “hello” if she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.