Rina's entertainment notebook.

Find a purpose.
Your life is worth living.
You're still alive, do something with these wasted days.

"If everybody married someone from a different race, the in one generation there would be no prejudice."


You're my survival, you're my living proof
that love is alive,
& not dead.







I'm gonna close my mouth now,
You don't need more noise in your life.
I miss you more than you know, but I know time makes you move on.

Sometimes it seems that I don't have the skills to recollect
the twists & turns of plot
that turned us from lovers to friends.

Just know that you're still in my heart.



I will sing my song for you until you look me in the face.
Press your lips against my own so I know the way you taste.
& I will sing my song for you until the bombs wipe out the clouds,
I will stand against the ruins
& I will scream your name out loud.



Sleep with your head against the sky tonight.
I can't count how many times you've made me cry.
I marvel at the way your hair glows in the night

& I will always think of you as
someone that I love.


"The journey of a thousand leagues begins with a single step.
So we must never neglect any work of peace within our reach, no matter how small."

It's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair.
so we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change.



Missing someone isn't about how long it's been since you've seen them last
or the amount of time since you've talked.
It's about that very moment when you're doing something,

& you wish,
You wish that they were right there
with you.

You stood in my doorway with nothing to say
besides some comment on the weather....

Well excuse me, I guess I mistaken you for somebody else
somebody who gave a damn
someone a little more like myself.

& your thoughtless words are
breaking my heart.


When I was young,
I knew everything.


"I have learned not to worry about love
but to honor it's coming with all of my heart."


"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, & to be loved in return."


The truth is, I always think of you.
Hoping that you will think of me, smiling.

You sit here & you smile at me
& I wonder,
Have you ever smiled like that at anyone else?


I miss my friend.
The one my heart & soul confided in
The one I felt safest with
the one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
& let the light back in.

Forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by.
I know that to have something like this broken
is hard to fix.

It was 3a.m. when you woke me up
Then we jumped in the car & drove as far as we could go.
Just to get away.
We talked about our lives until the sun came up
& now I'm thinking about how I wish I could go back.
Just for one more day.
One more day with you.



If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky.
You can hide underneath me & come out at night.
When I turn jet black, you can show off your light.
I live to let you shine.

I look at you & I'm home.
Please, I don't want that to go away.
I don't want to forget.



To you, my friend,
I send my best regards.
I hope that all is well & good in Neverland.
It's been one month since goodbyes rang out
& echoed long across the distance time had carved.
It seems there's nothing left to do
since you've gone & left me here in the street.

When I say out loud,
"I want to get out of this."
I wonder is there anything I'm going to miss.







& won't you think I'm pretty
when I'm standing top the bright lit city?
I'll take your hand & pick you up
& keep you there so you can see
As long as you're alive & care
I promise that I will take you there
& we'll drink & dance the night away.


I can't look into your eyes anymore because I finally know the truth.
I want to walk away but something's still there
& it won't let me go.
You aren't good for me, so why can't I realize that?

It's hard to explain how I am getting by on so little from you.

I'll ask you, "what in the world should we do?"
This light is green our break is through.
Are we not trying or trying too hard?
Well, you know I never want to miss,
I hold on tight & reminisce.
But it's bittersweet to me.

I opened up the music box.
I wish you would have changed the locks
to keep me from replaying
all these feelings that I've been saving.

Sing me a song, tell me about the things you're dealing with lately.
I don't understand how you could sing me lies,
let them linger inside of me
& give me reason to stay with you
just so I can run away faster than ever before.
I'm counting down all the hours I've spent here drowning in all your lies, dear.
I wish that I could have been warned.



Come away with me & we'll see
if I was right on that night that
a future was made.

As the spring in it's bloom,
the summer stars & the moon
Come & dance with me, my love
& we will be one.

We go together, I promise forever
everyday together
I live with you.

As the leaves & the trees, the oceans celebrate you & me.
We will live to see many days & we will dream
We will dream.


If I could touch you again with my fingers so gently...
If I could feel you breathing in time next to me...
But the silence surrounds me, flashing memories of you riding with the moon that night.
I never had the chance to say goodbye....
Lost forever, lost to another world.
Gone forever, but remembered in our thoughts.
If I could open the heaven's above I'd be with you...
If I could hold you again in my arms I would tell you
I love you...


Those days of warm rains come rushing back to me
Miles of endless summer night air
Secret moments, shared in the heat of the afternoon
Out of the stillness, soft spoken words.

Rest your head & I will be watching from the doorway
As you drift into a perfect, peaceful sleep.
& morning will come in all it's simple glory
& you will find the light
& I will be there standing in your shadow
Knowing that you once were mine
All mine.
My baby.

Everytime the full moon is out
& everytime the sun paints the sky
He'll be all that's on your mind.


Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back.
Do not expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart.
But if it does not, be content that it grew in yours.

Go for someone who makes you smile because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

We came here together, most of us unprepared
we were all worried, we were all a little scared.
There were times we felt alone,
times we felt sad.
But it took times like those to realize what we had.




They say we're too young
But maybe they're too old
to remember.

Memory builds a pathway that goes winding through the heart & keeps friends together,
even though they're far apart.


My Blank Canvas.
It's been too long, I know.
School took over my life, & I've been sick on & off for the past month.
To say that my life has been hectic would be an understatement.


Well, I'm singing this song as loud as I can
as I drive too fast with my best friend.
I don't wonder if you're wondering where I am
'Cause I don't care if I ever see you again.

Oh, and nothing's clear at all
& your thoughts, they have become so hard to find
with a question mark always slumped at the end of these awkward lines.
All the simple words we loved
to speak are no longer audible.
I never thought that with you and I this would ever be possible.





Just like you can see the smallest speck of dust
in a ray of sunshine pouring from my window,
I can still see who you used to be.
You're not dead to me.

Making plans to change the world while the world was changing us...
it was good love.
You used to laugh under the covers
-- maybe not so often now --
but the way I used to laugh wtih you was loud & hard.


& these cold winter nights without you next to me
it feels like twenty below,
frost bite on my heart
This pain & suffering are feelings that you don't know.

The night sky is black & I'm awake, lying on the ground
the grass beneath my feet is hard & cold, just like I've come to be.
The stars are gone behind the clouds, & I can't see a thing
so I'll just keep my eyes closed, just like me
because I can't seem to open up.

The longer I lay here,
I know it's harder to get up without you.

When you speak, it's like fire
the sparks leap from your mouth
& all your talk of such burdens
no, it won't bring me and my friends down.


In the morning,
when you rise up from the ashes of your cigarette butts
and from the coals that have been there too long
ease down the road where you feel like you belong
following directions that you heard in a song
ease down the road where your sun shines strong
guided down, guided down by the lighthouse song.



& if the sky filled up with clouds of doom
& the whole world was ending soon
well, I couldn't get scared
cause I'd have my rainbow
& I'd see her shining right through.

In the light of the sun, is there anyone?



& I'm here, wondering where the sun has gone
driving through a midwest storm
asking why there's no one home.

Look out, they're coming after us
They're only going to tell you the bad things that I've done
even if the things that they say aren't true they've won
& I'm left dying in the sun.

Do you remember that night in the back of your daddy's car,
strumming the chords of your pubic guitar.
The way that you tasted like a movie star;
the way the windshield reflected the sunrise,
the way the light tattooed your thighs.


I like to touch your tattoos in complete
darkness, when I can't see them. I'm sure of
where they are, know by heart the neat
lines of lightning pulsing just above
your nipple, can find, as if by instinct, the blue
swirls of water on your shoulder where a serpent
twists, facing a dragon. When I pull you
to me, taking you until we're spent
& quiet on the sheets, I love to kiss
the pictures in your skin. They'll last until
you're seared to ashes; whatever persists
or turns to pain between us, they will still
be there. Such permanence is terrifying.
So I touch them in the dark; but touch them, trying.



A thousand miles seems pretty far
but they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
& we'll just laugh along
because we know that none of them have felt this way

You have beautiful, beautiful eyes, so bright & alive & enchanting.
I want to be with you all of the time
it's hopeless, but I have to try.







I thought about telling you this, in the quiet of the car
with only the rain drumming overhead.
But there are some things you don't have to say.
Some things are just understood.



You're beautiful.
Every little piece, love, don't you know?
You're really gonna be someone, ask anyone.
When you find everything you've looked for,
I hope your life leads you back to my door.
But if it don't, stay beautiful.

Please don't let this turn into something it's not.
I can only give you everything I've got.
I can't be sorry as you think I should.
But I still love you more than anyone could.

Myabe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometimes.



When it all comes down to a sunrise on the east side
will you be there on carry home the remains of my wasted youth?

Words are spoken when the sun goes down.
People find comfort in the soft, disappearing glow.
Some words are spoken from will & some from force.
But either way, the sun will go down.
& tomorrow it'll come back again,
turning what happened yesterday
into remnants of the past.



Don't know how much time has passed.
All I know is that it feels like forever
but no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
sitting all alone in your head.

Because for her, being without him
was the same as forgetting how to laugh.
It was that unimaginable.



Well, I've been thinking about the phone lines
& the street signs
& the remind me every couple of miles
that you're a hundred twisted miles of highway away from here.
& I'm hating feeling father from you.
& I know that your heart feels that way too.

I knew it then,
there wasn't any time left to think back to old memories.
There wasn't any time to think about a boy
who charmed & disapointed me.
there was only what was stretched out ahead.
years of new summers,
& a promise
with all the time in the world left,
to start again.


Love is but a song to sing
fear's the way we die.
You can make the mountains sing
or make angels cry.

& the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day
until the feeling went away.
& the sky was falling on the clouds that were dropping
& the rain forgot how to bring salvation
The dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.


I'll dream of the past & wish that I was there
I am burning the letters of days gone by
I'm sorry, but I'm scared that my heart
will regret all the things that I've done.

No one can ever duplicate the trials of my life
nor the person they have created me to be.


Forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by.
I know to have something like this broken is hard to fix.

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, hang on.
Don't let yourself go,
'cause everybody cries & everybody hurts sometimes.




... Because we don't know [when we will die], we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well.
Yet everything happens only a certain number of times,
& a very small number, really.
How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood,
some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it?
Perhaps four or five times more.
Perhaps not even that.
How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty.
& yet it all seems limitless.


Hello, darkness, my old
friend...
I've come to talk to you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left it's seeds while I was sleeping...
& the vision
That was planted in my brain
Still remains...
Within the sounds of silence.


In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
Beneath the halo of a streetlamp
I turned my collar to the cold & damp
When my eyes were stabbed
By the flash of a neon light
That split the night.
& touched the sound of silence.


& in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
& no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence....



"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
"Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."



But my words,
like silent raindrops fell
& echoed in the wells of
silence.



& the people bowed & prayed
To the neon God they made.
& the sign flashed out it's warning
In the words that it was forming.
& the signs said:
"The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
& tenement halls,


& whispered in the sounds
of silence."




& when the night is cold & dark
you can see light
Cause no one can take away your right
to fight & never surrender.



I sit & laugh with friends at what we've all been through
But I still catch my breath when someone mentions you.
We move on, put those dreams away
Hoping that we'll find them come some rainy day.
How could I know that everything would change?
Except the way I miss you
come some rainy day.



The days go by,
the nights don't change.
The stars still spell out your name.
I will wait for you.


The Earth is warmer when you laugh.


Since it's all I have,
I want to go to sleep & dream of you & me,
just off the coast
On a holiday so long & warm
& lucky.
I always wake up in my bedroom all alone.

Woke up this morning to a letter that she wrote.
She said she's tired that I'm always on the road.
To hard to swallow being alone
She needs someone at night that she can hold.

& it's times like these that I wish I was a believer
because then I could have something to give me hope.
Something to make me believe in anything at all.




Throw it away.
Forget yesterday.
We'll make the great escape.
We won't hear a word they say.
They don't know us anyway.
Watch it burn.
Let it die.

'Cause we're finally free tonight.


& we hung like space stations & rocketships
& dreamed like we were things of the sky.
We dressed like Kings & Queens & Lovers,
& shouted out into the night,
"We're never gonna die."


In the morning all will see
Just how crazy young love can be.

Fight off your urge to say how you feel
-- it can only cause you problems tonight--
Hold tight until you leave,
then decide whether the timing was wrong
or was it right?

Take a look just a little bit closer
because he's the only one that makes it feel like home.


Never say never because nothing lasts
Dancing with the thorns of my buried past.

Looking back to find my way never seemed so hard.
I would never change a thing even if I could.

I can feel things are changing
Summertime is slowly sinking
& remember that I still believe.



Seems I usually get things right
But I can't understand what I did last night.


Yes, they're sharing a drink called loneliness
but it's better than drinking alone.


Do you understand the reason for pain
-- or am I the only one who hears it?


People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality.
Their feelings most of all.
People talk about how great love it, but that's bullshit.


Feelings are disturbing.
People are taught that pain is evil & dangerous.
How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel?
Pain is meant to wake us up.
People try to hide their pain, but they're wrong.
Pain is something to carry, like a radio.
You feel your strength in the experience of pain.
It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters.
Pain is a feeling.
Your feelings are a part of you.
Your own reality.
If you feel ashamed of them, & hide them,
You''re letting society destroy your reality.

You should stand up for your right to
feel your pain.


Now my heart is like an open door.



I waited for a bus to separate the both of us
& take me off far away from you.
'cause my feelings never change a bit,
I always feel like shit.
I don't know why, I "just do."

I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day,
in everything that's light & gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

There's no place left in the sky for them to send us to.
Just lay down
& let the light come through the doors.
Cover up our dreams,
cover up the years.



Let the sky cry restless rain to wash away the miles between us,
'cause without you it's just an ordinary world.


The same old heartbeat fills the emptiness I have inside
& I've heard that you can't fight love,
so I won't complain
'cause why would I stop the fire that leaves me going on?
When there's you, I feel whole
& there is no better feeling in the world.
But without you, I'm alone.



Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom
must undergo the fatique of supporting it.


The flames & smoke climbed out of every window & disappeared with everything that you held dear
& you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need,
'cause you knew you were finally free.


...and she still smiles
& manages to enjoy her life,
though she knows this world's coming to an end...
& in the big scheme of things,
everything seems to take a turn for the worse...
she knows no one can save us &
she's gonna live her life to the fullest,
regretting nothing,
right to the very end


You've left me with such a silent world,
where evenings are calm,
but I'm restless
& my breath has become as thin as the wind.




Buried under the stars,
I told you how I missed this.
Missed you. Missed us.
I would steal the stars, just for you to smile without faking.

& I'd rather be in love with you.


"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through.
'Cause ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too."

& I scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere, just get me past this dead & eternal snow.
I swear that I'm dying.

I'm going places you've never

dreamed about.


No, it wasn't at first sight.
But the moment I looked twice, I saw the man I was born to love.
His laughter fills my soul, & when I hold him,
I don't want to let go.

Secretly, we wish anyone we love will think exactly the way we do.


Stay & watch the stars come out,
& then the sun as they all fade away.
I'll sing you every song I know if it'll make you want to stay.
& then I'll say that I missed you
& these words; they'll convince you to stay.

When it all comes down to a sunrise on the east side, will you be there to carry home the remains of my wasted youth?
This wasted time on you has left me shaking in waiting - shaking in waiting for something more.

Empty fields move me so much more than rooms filled up with friends.
The way the trees look dead reminds me that there's more to life than living.
Maybe giving up isn't bad, but part of letting go of you.


Thru all the tumult & the strift, I hear that music ringing.
It sounds an echo in my soul, how can I keep from singing?
Since love is Lord of heaven & earth, How can I keep from singing?



The drive home was so cold, it feels good to get away.
You can never stay away for too long.
I've been without you for months.
This winter may have been warm, but my God,
I'm freezing.


I'll never forget the way you made me smile.


I turned to look at him, studying his face the way -- for all those weeks,
he had studied mine.
I wanted to remember it -- not just in this moment,
but from the whole summer into forever.


Most of all, I miss the way you looked at me.


In a really dark night of the soul, it is always three in the morning day after day.

I watch the sun go down over the ocean tide
The wind is blowing from the shore through my hair.
It's beautiful tonight.



I'm taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day.


Every now & again, sometimes, I get lost on the wind of a dream.
The air gets clean & the seas get wide & I can do anything.


The traffic lights silently change a thousand times a day
But I'm still waiting, yeah, I'm still waiting.
If my hand could block the sun, would we ever wake up?
If I turned back all these clocks, would that be time enough?
I can't remember exactly when this longing began,
but I know it wasn't before the day you touched my hand.



One day someone will love me for what I've been & where I am.
One day someone will love me.



Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here today to mourn the un-mailed letters & the lonely Decembers.
The children ask, "Does it ever go away?"
They're asking about heartache & you know better than to lie
So you answer truthfully & say "No, it doesn't."

One day you're jumping in puddles & the next thing you know,
30 years have passed & you're telling your kids to walk around them.
Everyone is taught to look both ways before crossing the street
& to talk quietly in the library
But no one ever learns anything that matters,
Like how to keep breathing when your heart breaks in half.


There's nothing to live for when I'm sleeping alone.

Tonight with words unspoken,
you say that I'm the only one.
But will my heart be broken when the night meets the morning sun?
I'd like to know that your love
Is love that I can be sure of
So tell me now, & I won't ask again;
Will you still love me tomorrow?


It's getting dark outside.
Please don't leave me alone tonight.

I'll tell you what the end of the world will be like.
It'll be a final moment,
both terrible & heartbreaking.
Absolute chaos. People running as fast as they ever have,
Cars filling every road & freeway,
Phone lines backed up trying to process millions of calls,
Fingers flying over keyboards, thumbs texting rapidfire,
Long lines of people trying to cram themselves into subways & airplanes...
All of them trying to tell someone else,
"I love you."

It's not the end of the world yet.
But don't wait until then to tell her.
The worst thing isn't the end of the world,
It's what you didn't finish;
What you didn't say when you had the chance.

& I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I ever had.

& I don't know if I've ever been really loved
by a hand that's touched me
Well I feel like something's gotta give
& I'm a little bit angry
Well, this ain't over... no, not here.
Not when I still need you around.


We all live with the objective
of being happy.
our lives are all different,
Yet the same.


Black & White,
so defined for such a undefined person.
Along the lines of gray & bold colors
I can find myself somewhere.


Go for someone who makes you smile
'cause it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

Everyone wants to be the sun that lights up your life
But I'd rather be the moon.
So I can shine on you during your darkest hour
When your sun isn't around.


Your heart might long for love that is more near.
So when I'm gone, these words will be here
To ease every fear & dry up every tear
& make it very clear
I kiss you & I know
It is love
from the first time I pressed my lips against yours.

Hopeless love,
why did you carve your home in me?
This broken heart is too weak to hold your weight
& now I regret the day we met.

I wish that I could leave this town
& go somewhere you're not around.


Love.
I want to turn the whole thing upside down.
I'll find the things they say just can't be found.
I'll share this love I find with everyone.
We'll sing & dance to Mother Nature's songs.
I don't want this feeling to go away.

Nights when the heat had gone out,
we danced together alone.
Cold turned our breathe into clouds.
We never said what we were dreaming of,
but you turned me into somebody loved.

I noticed how pretty the sky was the other day.

Then I realized its because he's up there.

It's a dangerous business, going out your door.
You step onto the road, & if you don't keep to your feet,
there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.


"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,

but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the

effort."

"My pacifism is an instictive feeling,
a feeling that possesses me because the murder of men is disgusting.
My attitude is not derived from any intellectual theory
but is based on my deepest antipathy to every kind of cruelty & hatred."


"Love is not living your own life,
but sharing it.
It's forgiveness,
It's making a million mistakes
& turning them into learning experiences.
Love is patience, optimism,
and sometimes it's a kiss
when there is nothing left to say."


Don't let today's disapointments cast a shadow on tomorrow's dreams.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Do what you love.
Fuck everything else.

I sit & laugh with friends at what we've been through
But I still catch my breath when someone mentions you
We move on, put those dreams away
Hoping that we'll find them come some rainy day.
How could I know that everything would change?
Except the way I miss you
Come some rainy day.

One day I'll be able to ask how he is without getting upset.

Eighty years, an old lady now, sitting on the front porch
Watching the clouds roll by
They remind her of her lover
how he left her
& of times long ago
when she used to color carelessly & painted his portrait
A thousand times
-- or maybe just his smile --
She & her canvas would follow him wherever he would go
'cause they were painters
& they were painting themselves
A lovely world.

She says she's lonely -- but how could she be?
Every night she has company.

If given the chance, what's a girl to do?
You really want to know what's going on in my head?
If so, I'll have to tell you with my lips.
Lovely lips, tangled in sheets.
Who needs love when you've got insecurities?

It's days like this when the sun is shining
& all I can think about is your face.

& I don't want to know if this is the last time that I'll breathe you in.

I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say I love you
& I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

'Cause what good is seeing if love's not looking back at you?
& what good is feeling
if my hands aren't touching you?

I told myself I wouldn't miss you.
But I remember what it felt like to lay beside you.

Like the glass that holds the wine
the sunset in the western skies
Like the love there in your eyes
Oh, I was made for loving you.


I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe that your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires


I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity



...& then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes
& then he asked me would I yes...
& first I put my arms around him yes
& drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes
& his heart was going like mad
& yes I said yes I will yes.

I don't intend on being perfect
I just intend on experiencing everything.

Of course,
I can't forget all of the beautiful colors
on the day we first met.