I just keep hoping that it goes away.
Its like everytime you make some sorta of contact with me.
I have to start right over again. I hate giving in and making
it seem like youre getting what you want from you.
You dont deserve any of my attention.
I feel so foolish when I put myself out there. I try to believe
the good in everyone. Even the person that could hurt me twice
and get away with it. I feel so stupid for ever letting you in.
Whats left to lose when youre hearts been beaten on the floor.
Still after all this time. You can sense when Im hurt, upset, or angry by you.
Just by a simple conversation online. And I'll deny it all I want to you.
But inside Im screaming how badly you hurt me.
I let you get away with things.Like love is so blind. I let you
think you get fool me and think I wont say anything.
Love isnt blind. Its just intoxication.
I always thought that we made it through so much. You hurt me once.
But our friendship got stronger and I had no complaints. Because if I
couldnt be with you. At least I still had the greatest friendship with you.
Then we when got closer I felt so lucky to be with the one guy that meant
the world to me. Now thats its over I thought we could still have that strong
relationship that got through so much. But now I finally have to let the fact be
that once its over you can never go back to how things where.
Its like you have a guilty conscience when you check in with a random conversation
about how lifes been so far without you. And I always let you think everythings fine.
Just making you feel better about yourself and feel like you've done no harm while Im
left here with a torn heart that just wants to breakdown and cry for all the pain.
I tell myself not to do it, not to give in to what you want from me.
Not to IM you, not to think of you, not to let you know what you've done.
But then I start to wonder. What if those things are the just want I want.
Maybe if I knew. 110% percent, that I could tell you everything and
you wouldnt hold it against me or judge me or think less of me.
If I knew I could actually tell you all that I keep inside that I wouldnt
waste any time and I wouldnt hold anything back.
Youre dreaming of her, while I sit up at night wishing to forget you.
I was stupid to give it a shot
when all those times I swore I wouldnt.
I didnt want you to get what you wanted.
But it was also what I wanted. In the end
it just proves that second chances screw you over.
You and her can truly last forever.
I just hate the fact that it was as if
I was nothing special.
I have so much hate towards you.
And I hate that I hate you but
I feel like its better that way.
If I had the chance to go back and change how things were with us.
I wouldnt. Because even if I had a chance to maybe make things right,
I no longer see a point. All those things I just want left in the past. I dont
want to relive all those moments with you. Mostly because it scares me,
and you were the closest I ever got to falling in love and it took so long for me to
admit that and then get over it. Im left with our memories that mean the world to
me and the thoughts that mean nothing to you.
Even if I had the chance to go back and change how things were, she would still
be in the picture.
You ended what we had just when I knew I was all if.
I havent spoken to you much lately and I part of me still thinks of you.
I thought you were the greatest thing I ever had a chance with and now,
I just think youre one of the many lowest jerks on the face of the earth.
I no longer have feelings for you and the one thing I wanted from you
was a friendship but I gave up on that too along with you.
I got tired of caring more than you did so I finally moved on
like you did in a heartbeat.
I part of me just wants to tell you off and make you know
what Ive kept at the pit of my stomach. But would you even
listen? Because I know you wouldnt care.
Im so stupid.
Im stupid for letting him be with me
Im stupid for not making a stand for what I wanted
Im stupid for ignoring what was right infront of my face.
Im stupid for not ending it when I knew all the answers.
Im stupid for making him think he was getting away with it
Im stupid for not telling him off when I had chances.
Im stupid for wanting to make a friendship work.
Im stupid for not realizing sooner that he just doesnt deserve one from me,
Im stupid no more.
You make me so torn. Why should I still have feelings for you when youre a jackass.
I was just too happy and head over heels to notice it. I swear being in
love or close to it is basically intoxication and I now I see everything for what it truly is.
I dout you ever really liking me or wanting to me with me. Its like all your words run through
my head and all those memories are stuck there too. I dont want you to be my memory. I want
you out because youre not worth any of my thoughts or time. And I dont even know why I wanted
a friendship from you. How you say you like me so much when once its over you jump to someone else.
And thats not what hurts because shes so much better for you and whats real for you but I just dont get
why did you have to waste time with me and make me feel this way when you could of just gone to her
in the first place.
just one fix
to keep me in the mix,
and i'm still strung out on you.
drove all night;
i'm a deer in your headlights.
what's left of me you'll swallow soon,
too much of you is never enough.
it was the look on your face when i called out your name,
it was the days waiting for you alone in the rain.
take me back to the time when i wished you could stay,
now we're here at your front steps where i watch you fade away.
fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore.
she loves salting my wounds, yes,
she enjoys nothing more.
i bleed confidence from deep within my guts now,
i’m the king of this pity party with
my jewel encrusted crown.
with just the sunlight in my eyes,
it'll take some time to realize..
when i walk i run; when i fly i fall;
paranoid yet calm and collected, teeming with thought.
while i sleep i wait, wait a year for you..
i know you'll be right back.
..lights, camera, action;
ive fallen for you.
i've overheard it once,
this has gone on before.
it's too one in the same,
when you're accounted for.
we seem so far away from
these things we used to know;
we seem so far away from
everything we are..
all we are is golden;
this won't mean a thing.
tonight i'm finding a way
to make the things that you say
just a little less obvious.
i walk a fine line
between the right and the real;
they watch me closely,
but talk is cheap here.
like a weightless currency,
your words don't mean shit to me..
i'm always cashing out.
we were so tired, yet so alive,
wrapped up in lies like sheets of another one night stand..
you know you left the girl with nothing but the
sunrise through the window pane,
where tired eyes will close..
i don't even know you anymore.
your mind has melted to its core.
i'm not alone;
i'm not the only one who misses you.
i'm so good at forgetting
and I quit ever game I play
but forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away.
I worry
I weigh three times my body.
I worry
I throw my fear around.
but this morning,
there's a calm I cant explain.
the rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain.
by the time I recognize this moment,
this moment will be gone.
but I will bend the light pretending,
that it somehow lingered on.
don't you wish that we could forget that kiss
and see this for what it is
that we're not in love
the saddest part of a broken heart
isn't the ending so much as the start
it was hard to tell just how I felt
to not recognize myself
i started to fade away .
i don't care where we are going, as long as i'm going with you.
the summer swells in, with the heat comes a new kind of wanting.
lately i've been wishing i had one desire,
something that would make me never want another,
something that would make it so that nothing matters,
all would be clear then.
